1999 Slogans
1999 Cthulhu Coffee Slogans
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Clue for the clueless
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Okay. Here they are. They're what you have been waiting for. These are all of the slogans that graced our signs at CONvergence 1999, plus a couple of the better posters. Click on the thumbnails to see larger versions of the signs (in .pdf format).
Sucks your soul like Jell-O through a straw
The psyche's ink of doom
The best stains from R'lyeh
Defiling coffee shops everywhere
The taste that ends all
For the ones you loathe
Feared and respected by Pump Monkeys everywhere
Re-animate the dead.
The toast of Arkham
So strong it will make you insane
I've gone mad for Cthulhu Coffee!
Great with donuts
A disturbing compulsion
All the chaos, twice the caffeine
Feed your inner demons.
Have your soul consumed.
It's winning.
It doesn't need to be brewed.
Re-animate yourself.
Your essence. Our brew.
Melts in your mind
Good for what ails you
...for the road ahead
What do you need your soul for, anyway?
It just might grab you.
Dunk your Muppet.
More disturbing than a barrel of crushed Pump Monkeys
Tastes like voodoo chicken
Bill Gates' best kept secret
For this, Buffy uses a spoon.

[Buffy © Warner Brothers Studios. All rights reserved.]

Lubricating the gears of evil
For your darker side
For those unhappy moments
For those special people
Beyond human comprehension
Enjoy a fresh, seething cup.
Get it before it gets you.
There's no turning back.
Resistance is futile.
Yahoo for Cthulhu!
<sing> It's chaos in your cup!
Now, with chaos crystals!
It's waiting.
Quietly taking over
Accept your insignificance.
9 out of 10 shoggoths drink Cthulhu Coffee.
The coffee of the Ultimate Chaos
In R'lyeh, it's the coffee that gets Cthulhu out of bed.
Plagued by logic and reason? Drink Cthulhu Coffee.
Bad Dreams? Cthulhu Coffee will keep you awake at night.
The Coffee Out of Space
Let Cthulhu Coffee be part of your next May Eve celebration!
It's not your parents' coffee.
For when plain black coffee just isn't enough
Beans hand-picked by Nyarlathotep.
Iä! Iä! It's Cthulhu Coffee!
...for when the rats in the walls are keeping you awake, anyway.
Served in the finest covens.
Served in the finest Dunwich/Ipswich/Arkham inns.
The official coffee of Miskatonic University.
...for when you're tired of decaf.
Do you take it black or downright evil?
The timeless classic...
Tired of plain old dimensional travel? Drink Cthulhu Coffee!
Dimensional travel has you worn out? Zip up with Cthulhu Coffee!
Tired of blinking?
Be able to read your signature with a bar code scanner.
Vibrational invisibility in a cup
Filtered evil
Serve Cthulhu Coffee and you'll be the last to go!
Help solidify those voices in your head.
The De-Evolutionary Catalyst
Just one cup, and you'll be doing non-Euclidean geometry... in your head!
Warning: Do not touch with bare skin.
Warning: Side effects may include third eye springing for forehead, spontaneous human combustion, and turning inside out.
For those late nights in the Special Collections shelves
Don't stare too deeply at the swirling patterns on the surface.
Make it in our new Gibbering Percolator
The Coffee out of Time
The Flavor out of Space
Good 'til the last quivering gelatinous blob
Gives new meaning to the phrase "eye-popping"
See the tendrils, feel the tendrils, be the tendrils!
Every cup is a miasma of flavor.
For the cyclopean horror in you
Be a Cthulhu achiever!
The last one finished wins!
Now that's tradition!
For your spiritual side
"Naughtiness beyond .. well .. everything" -The Tick

[The Tick and Arthur © Fox Network and Ben Edlund. All rights reserved.]

Get your Pump Monkey shakin'
How the emperor got evil!
The dark side of caffeine!
Even Satan needs milk.
The darkest Dark Roast

Slogan Lists
2003 More slogans and posters than you can shake a stick at, and believe me, we tried!

2002 200 more slogans and posters for your nefarious plans!

2001 All the latest slogans and full-color posters.

2000 All Y2K slogans, plus .pdf files of the posters.

1999 The first year of Cthulhu Coffee slogans.

In Brief

First update in two years! Unfortunately, the update says that this site will no longer be updated. Click here for more details.

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